Valley Forge Park and the Blow Job Jamboree

No CruisingAh, the beautiful vista that is historic Valley Forge Park!  The lovely rolling meadows of open country spotted with wooded spinneys of birch and beech.  The forested slopes of oak, pine, and sycamore descending down into the lush valley of the Schuylkill River.  And the rustic reconstructed cabins commemorating that dismal winter of 1777 – 1778 when so many dedicated patriotic men suffered and died.  Yes, this American landscape of birthright and beauty belongs to our Revolutionary heritage and quite rightly offers a trusting public a naturally healthy setting for family fun and recreation.

But beware, all you tourists, dog walkers, and joggers galore, for this scenic paradise is also peopled by a very unseemly segment of the human population.  And the skulking scum contaminating picnic areas, parking lots, bathrooms, pathways, and trails has turned Valley Forge Park into a national Blow Job Jamboree.

When you trek through the woods at Valley Forge Park, be sure to take in the uplifting sight of cruddy condoms littering the wildflowers and grasses along the way.  And when you hike on down to the banks of the Schuylkill, you’ll truly marvel at the semen-dripped tree trunks gracing the greenery.  Golly, on a busy crude-ball cruising day, you might even catch a glimpse of the lowest of the low sucking another woebegone creature’s dirty cock.  Heck, I’ve even been told that some serious butt pumping has been spotted in the bushes along side the 18th century ruin down by the train tracks.

On a weekend morning or afternoon, take a drive to Varnum’s Picnic area just off of Route 23, right across the road from the von Steuben statue.  As you enter the parking lot, you’ll notice solo men sitting in their cars or pickup trucks keenly cruising every vehicle that enters the lot.  Note how their heaps are backed into the parking spaces to ensure a good view of all incoming meat.  Watch their queer quickie dance of sexual seduction as they flash their headlights at one another, stroll around the lot, or take periodic walks into the woods to see what set of genitals might follow.  And don’t miss out on a visit to the onsite public restrooms, whether it be the ladies or the gents, for there’s always some diseased leftover love trinkets for you and your kiddies to discover.

So where is the Park Service during all of these devious doings?  Well, our dedicated uniformed lads and lassies seem to spend a lot of their time across the road where the image of Baron von Steuben looks out over the asphalt paths that sweep across the park.  It’s here, you see, where the normal folk are getting busted for daring to walk their dogs without a leash or for failing to properly scoop poor Fido’s poop.

Yes indeedy do, our perky park rangers just love scaring the shit out of the innocuous canine crowd.  But when it comes to curbing the bad behavior of the human animals on the other side of the street, our boys and girls who don the flat hats, just can’t seem to confront the real criminal rats.

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About lesbianoutsider

Home of the PushBack Patriot
This entry was posted in Lesbian/Gay, Political/Social and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Valley Forge Park and the Blow Job Jamboree

  1. Pingback: Blow Jobbers Nabbed at Valley Forge Park |

  2. BT says:

    Its like one of those vampire shows. Crazy. And its been going on for decades in so many places.

  3. Artie says:

    I’m embarrassed for my people!

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