Student loans be damned! Why worry about paying off the present when you can spend four gloriously unproductive years frivoling away your time under the pretext of taking care of your career. You too can find yourself in debt up to your eyebrows pretty much the rest of your adult life while struggling to find gainful employment in the world of work by simply doing what millions of other young adults have been doing for decades.
Here are five college degrees sure to help you achieve your life-long goal of monetary serfdom and over-educated illiteracy.
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Bowling Management at Vincennes University. I guess in the Hoosier State, the bowling alley business remains a very hot prospect. Maybe this is where all the unemployed are hanging out during the day spending all those on-the-dole dollars.
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Canadian Studies at SUNY Plattsburgh. Where would America be without experts in Canadian culture, eh? We have Black Studies, Women’s Studies, LGBT Studies, and now Canadian Studies. Who knew our brothers and sisters up in those cold climes of Canada were so oppressed. Down with Canuckophobia!
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Motorsports Management at Winston-Salem State University. It’s all about NASCAR, dude! You can dream about being a racing car mogul as you while away your time sitting in that kiddy college car seat pretending to be a big boy—beep beep, just like Daddy.
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Retail Floristry at Mississippi State University. Unless you’re an effeminate gay guy, you know darn well you’ll never be able to arrange a pretty bouquet without a 4-year college degree. Who knew that selling roses to the general public could be such a thorny proposition.
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Winemaking at Cornell University. Who wouldn’t want to choose a major where you can get drunk in class as well as after class. And with the Finger Lake wine region right next door, you’ll be able to pick grapes in the hot sun for 10-hours a day, all for minimum wage. A career dream come true!
Why do I get the feeling that some day soon, it will be all of us taxpayers, under the guise of the government, footing the big bill for all these idiotic fantasy fruit-loop diplomas?
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Hah! I wrote a post last night that was somewhat similar to this. I spent a portion of it deriding those that choice useless majors and then complain that they can’t get a good job to pay off student loans. http://thesnarkwhohuntsback.wordpress.com/2012/07/05/how-much-education-can-you-afford/
So many of these kids haven’t a clue what to major in and they’re simply in college for ‘the experience’ and to get a diploma in anything, preferably something that requires little brain effort. I think for many young people, college delays maturity–there’s nothing like being out in the world of work earning your way and paying your bills to boost one into real adulthood.
And I liked your post, Meredith.
If you need any help with you Canadian Studies, Jeanne, I’ll be glad to assist you.
your-not you
Oh no, I forgot there was a for real Canadian here at TLC. Hey, Terry, do universities in Canada offer majors in American studies?
I don’t know Jeanne. Its been a few years since I was near a university. Nothing would surprise me though, the way universities have become left wing think tanks. Free thought is discouraged now. Stick to the leftist mantra. Graduate stupid. That’s today’s world.
Soon we’ll all be wearing Mao jackets and carrying little red books.
Mao jackets or burkas. Red books or korans. I think more than a few of these savages will die before they achieve that end. If they do achieve that end, millions will die. Billions even. Maybe its my dystopian nature, but the shat will hit the fan one of these days, and its gonna be ugly. I believe we’re in a war between good and evil. I guess that’s the bottom line. Sorry if I went off track a little.
I think you’re right on target, Terry. Unfortunately.
Well, wherever you got your writing education, it was money well-spent. Hilarious 😀
They make it so easy, don’t they? You can’t make this stuff up.