Student loans be damned! Why worry about paying off the present when you can spend four gloriously unproductive years frivoling away your time under the pretext of taking care of your career. You too can find yourself in debt up to your eyebrows pretty much the rest of your adult life while struggling to find gainful employment in the world of work by simply doing what millions of other young adults have been doing for decades.
Here are five college degrees sure to help you achieve your life-long goal of monetary serfdom and over-educated illiteracy.
Bowling Management at Vincennes University. I guess in the Hoosier State, the bowling alley business remains a very hot prospect. Maybe this is where all the unemployed are hanging out during the day spending all those on-the-dole dollars.
Canadian Studies at SUNY Plattsburgh. Where would America be without experts in Canadian culture, eh? We have Black Studies, Women’s Studies, LGBT Studies, and now Canadian Studies. Who knew our brothers and sisters up in those cold climes of Canada were so oppressed. Down with Canuckophobia!
Motorsports Management at Winston-Salem State University. It’s all about NASCAR, dude! You can dream about being a racing car mogul as you while away your time sitting in that kiddy college car seat pretending to be a big boy—beep beep, just like Daddy.
Retail Floristry at Mississippi State University. Unless you’re an effeminate gay guy, you know darn well you’ll never be able to arrange a pretty bouquet without a 4-year college degree. Who knew that selling roses to the general public could be such a thorny proposition.
Winemaking at Cornell University. Who wouldn’t want to choose a major where you can get drunk in class as well as after class. And with the Finger Lake wine region right next door, you’ll be able to pick grapes in the hot sun for 10-hours a day, all for minimum wage. A career dream come true!
Why do I get the feeling that some day soon, it will be all of us taxpayers, under the guise of the government, footing the big bill for all these idiotic fantasy fruit-loop diplomas?