Christmas Quotes: The Good, the Bad, the Funny

  • Santa Claus has the right idea — visit people only once a year.  Victor Borge

  • They err who think that Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart.  Paul Ell

  • A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus.  Herbert Hoover

  • God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.  H. L. Mencken

  • Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears up faster than the Christmas spirit.  Frank McKinney Hubbard

  • What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer.  Ebenezer Scrooge

  • I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.  Henny Youngman

  • Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.  Erma Bombeck

  • Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.  Richard Lamm

  • In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’  or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’  Dave Barry

  • Even before Christmas has said ‘Hello’, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.  Robert Paul

  • I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.  Shirley Temple

  • Some businessmen are saying this could be the greatest Christmas ever.  I always thought that the first one was.  Art Fettig

  • There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  Erma Bombeck

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