Some traders at the Chicago Board of Trade, the oldest futures and commodities exchange in the world, decided to give those Occupy Chicago college deadbeats a corporate helping hand. And what better way to extend a communal courtesy to the economically disadvantaged than to steer the poor dears in the positive direction of a good paying job.
As Occupy Chicago protestors gathered for their weekly teach-in experience, they were showered by flyers floating down upon their heads from the Chicago Board of Trade skyscraper. The flyers turned out to be job applications for open positions at the fast food giant, McDonald’s. The solicitous traders, who a few weeks ago plastered We Are the 1% signs in their work-day windows, obviously felt they could offer a better topic for the Occupy teach-in than the Revolution 101 tripe that was on tap for the day.
And just what kind of jobs might the monarch of cheap meat have to offer the hoity-toity Windy City wastrels? Well, the corporate headquarters for McDonald’s is situated right there in the Chicago suburb of Oak Brook, Illinois and the company is advertising quite a few good paying positions that are just waiting for some able applicants to apply.
Here’s a small sampling of the corporate job opportunities currently available at McDonald’s:
– Accounting Analyst
– Business Technical Analyst
– Legal Counsel
– Consumer and Business Insights Manager
– E-Commerce Design Director
– Database Architect
– Director, US Marketing
– Field Supply Chain Manager
– Financial Accountant
– Human Resources Administrator
– Manager, Strategic Change
– Manager, Transfer Pricing
– Manager, Management Communications
– Manager, Environmental Sustainability
– Process and Performance Analyst
– Senior Meeting Planner
– Service Manager, Global Network
– Sharepoint Project Manager
– Training Program Specialist
Now if the progressive procrastinators in the Occupy movement are really interested in growing up to be productive citizens and carving out a career for themselves, then maybe they better take a quick glimpse at the real world of work. There is certainly money to be made and lucrative pay ladders to be climbed. So come on, you liberal cry babies—what are you waiting for?