Let’s get a jump on the jolly holly holidays by indulging in a little progressive-poking humor. Here’s a conservative count-down I spied out over at SodaHead, a little political parody that gets us going in the Right direction, all ready for the upcoming anti-Christian, anti-American fun-filled festivities. Here’s my edited version of SodaHead’s tomfoolery.
Top Ten Reasons Why Progressives Hate the Holidays
10. Oh, those poor mass-murdered turkeys! Tofu with cranberry sauce anyone?
9. All those gas-guzzling SUVs on their way to Grandma’s nursing home. Tsk, tsk.
8. Football Bowls promoting competition? Actual winners and losers? Say it ain’t so?!
7. Fir trees falling in Gaia’s forest—oh dear, we can only wring our hands and weep!
6. Festive Christmas holiday lights wasting precious energy? We’ll soon make that illegal!
5. Those colonizing Pilgrim bastards giving thanks to a Christian God—holy horror of horrors!
4. The letters C-H-R-I-S-T possibly seen in public?! ACLU, where are you?!
3. It’s so hard to hype our global warming tripe when the competition is Santa Claus, reindeer, and lots of cold cold weather.
2. Such a disgusting capitalistic bacchanal of consumer cash and credit—bring on Occupy Christmas Time!
1. Celebrating the birth of a Jewish child born in the land of Abraham?! Are you out of your frickin pro-Palestinian mind?!