Ah, how satisfying is that funky feel of sweet revenge.  And how empowering to stand erect when coming face-to-face with bureaucratic bullies.  What better way to confront the grasping hands of government TSA agents than by giving these molesting men and women their biggest grope of a life time. 

TSA agents manning their checkpoint at the Nashville International Airport last Tuesday were taken aback when a passenger approached them sporting sweatpants, no underwear, and a raging erection.  It seems that Warren Kelvin, who hails from Wyoming, decided to drop a little Viagra before running the pat down gauntlet at Nashville International Airport. And when the TSA agents realized what awaited them, they passed Mr. Kelvin through the checkpoint untouched.  But that proved quite disappointing to our Penile Patriot who was determined to get his government sponsored Napolitano-approved nooky before boarding his SouthWest flight to Phoenix.

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.  Washington Fancy

The erection episode proved way too much for poor Duncan Allbright, the agent who gave Warren his feel-good hand job.  He announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded his flight.  “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife”, he declared.  I guess being in the airport security business these days sure has its ups (and downs).

Whatever the motivation for this rite of penis passage, I’d like to think that wacky Warren took the high road here with his Just Do It attitude.  What better way to turn the tables on a stupidly intrusive and ineffective security scam.  Let’s hear it for the boy.