Ira Einhorn: Pariah on Parade

Times are apparently tough for a has-been and hapless Lefty who somehow got a bad rap simply because he murdered his ex-girl friend and stuffed her body in a trunk.  I’m sure it was just out-and-out harassment when those pesky Philadelphia police officers searched the apartment of Ira Einhorn, Earth Day entrepreneur and leading Lefty activist, and found the decomposing corpse of poor Holly Maddux.  And when he jumped his bail and fled the country, Ira’s Left-wing lads made sure that this paragon of liberal libel got to live a nice comfortable life of leisure in the Land of Oolaalaa, ensconced in a middle class château complete with his own Frenchie Femme Fatale.  Gee, it sure can pay to be a milksop male spouting all that Marxist mayhem.  Talk about a progressive paradise! You can even strangle one of those brainless liberal broads and their silly sisters will still crawl all over you in hopes of getting laid.  Oh yeah, you’ve come a long way, Baby!


Ah, but the glory days are gone now and the floodlights of Left-wing fame have flickered.  The ego that is Ira Einhorn is left to express its anointed self within the confines of the Houtzdale State Correctional Institution in the backwoods of Pennsylvania.  Inmate Number: ES6859 is not a happy camper.  The adoring female fans and the media talking heads come no more his way.  The professional academics and the all-knowing authors fail to respond to Mr. Earth Day’s copious correspondence. His attention seeking diatribes are now enjoyed only by the echoing walls of his cozy government-funded home away from home.

But hark!  There is one jaunty journalist who has ventured forth to heed the plea of this deserted and defamed pariah.  Ronnie Polaneczky of the Philadelphia Daily News decided to take the long ride out to the Pennsylvania Netherlands to give this crusty old murderer the once over.  And this is what Ms. Polaneczky found upon arrival:

At 70, Einhorn is thinner than the husky bear we knew back then. His hairline has receded, revealing a scalp that looks like marbled ham, and he has lost some front teeth. Those that remain are lemon yellow, and his breath is foul….I wanted to see what had become of the man whose brazen flight from justice had once so incensed Philadelphians, they’d participated in an annual contest to throw tomatoes at a poster bearing his image….I’m pleased to find that Einhorn – whose intellectually hungry followers used to devour his perceptions, then clamor for more – says that he is virtually ignored now that he is Prisoner No. ES6859….”I’m a pariah,” he says, self-pityingly, oblivious to the possibility that his being a murderer might limit his pool of willing pen pals. “Once you’re in prison, it’s as if you no longer exist!”
Forgotten in his own time.  Poor, poor pitiful Prisoner #ES6859.  The People’s Champion has proved to be just another spoiled egotistical self-indulgent convict.  Life can be so so real sometimes.

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