The Green Lantern Goes Predictably Gay

Now that D.C. Comics has turned yet another beloved Super Hero into a mawkish minority mannikin, one has to wonder just what will be next on the culture reinvention horizon.  I wouldn’t be surprised if some day soon we’re treated to even more bizarre comic caricatures of living caricatures of real life.  Perhaps these two Super Silly Anti-Heroes of my own invention might be on tap for the very near future.  You never know.  For in the immortal words of Mick Jagger who was wont to sort of wail—It’s just a court order away!

  • Transgender Morph Man.  Able to transmigrate from one sex to another by willfully overcoming the internal forces of chromosomal genetic injustice.  Committed to breaking down the barrier of Ladies’ lavatory doors in the name of gender-bending freedom and the right of all tranny men to pee sitting down while pretending to have periods.

  • Super Dildo Dyke.  Fighting the good fight while packing a fake penis.  Hurling the righteous wrath of the Lesbian Avenging Warrior against the patriarchal imposition of male privilege.  Dedicated to mimicking the most malignant traits of the enemy out of inverse solidarity with her downtrodden sisters by looking, acting, and thinking like a loutish longshoreman.

But perhaps the best response to the gay Green Lantern lark was written by a commenter over at Gay Patriot who summed up the pathetic political pandering to a miniscule commercial market in this way:

I really don’t know what to make of changing the race or the citizenship or the sexual orientation of one of these figments of imagination.  Maybe there is a crowd that needs Un-Descended Testicle Man to make them feel whole.

Frankly, I think that all of this is the work of Pander Man who is trying to drum up interest in what is basically a Unicorn and Yeti fantasy world where lollipops have intelligence and mere humans are true simpletons.

Will the Green Lantern be in 3-D so we can all see his reactions to men in tights?  And if he is gay, will he have to be liberal as well?  How could you even conceive of a conservative gay super hero loose in the land?

Green Gay Lantern will have to save the whales, defend the snail darter, enforce the twisty lamp, fight man-made global warming, stand firm for Obamacare, draw his energy from the sun and wind and imaginary forces from the universe and only eat green things and compost his poop.  What a guy.  Can’t wait for him to come up against Redneck Man.  Heliotrope at Gay Patriot

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3 Responses to The Green Lantern Goes Predictably Gay

  1. veryopinionated25 says:

    This is way too funny!

  2. Honestly, it’s clear that Aquaman should have been the gay superhero. He’s already intolerably liberal and has the, pardon my language, gayest superpower known the men.

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